But I'm only human. And I bleed when I fall down. I'm only human. And I crash and I break down. Your words in my head, knifes in my heart. You built me up and then I fall apart. Cause I'm only human.

- Christina Perri

It feels like I'm falling, without being able to move a muscle. My limbs are gone somehow and my thoughts are trapped inside me. I want to scream as the fear takes over, but I have no mouth and no voice to shout with. I keep falling, falling into oblivion and I wonder if I'm dying.

Maybe I will 'wake' up at the Other Side, cursed to watch the people I love grieving and then going on with their lives while I can't be a part of it anymore. That would be if there was someone who I cared about out there. Everyone I've ever loved is long gone. So I would be cursed to have no one to worry about. Stuck in an in between world where I'm doomed to scream and no one will hear, no one will care. Not able to find peace and pass on, no there is no such thing as peace for creatures like me. We'll be punished for our actions, even though most of us didn't choose to live like this. I didn't. But I'll be punished anyway. Maybe I even deserve it, I don't know. Maybe I'll find out soon.

I should be afraid of that death, but somehow, I'm not. I don't even remember how I died, if I really died.

Suddenly, I am afraid. Not of dying, but because of the fact I think I'm not dying. There is still no body for my thoughts and instead of trying to find my limbs, my muscles and my voice, I try to remember what happened that I feel like this. I try but it seems like what ever happened has also damaged my brain. I list the things I know in my head -I'm pretty sure I still have my head.

I'm not dead.

I don't know where I am.

I don't know what happened.

Maybe I'll still die.

Okay so my list is 75 percent is don't knows instead of knows so I stop trying. I begin to feel tired though I'm not even sure I'm awake. I give in to the fogginess in my head. The last thing I think is that I half hope I'll die. That dying like this wouldn't be that bad. It would be just like falling asleep.

And well, no one will miss me when I'm gone.

Maybe it is better this way.

Goodbye...

~ The Awaking ~

12 April 1950 ~ Ruby

Slowly my body is coming back to me. I can see through my eyelids it is dark outside. Or inside, I have no clue which one. I have stopped falling and I’m regaining my senses along with my ability to move. It is terrifying to have you’re body so far away from you, not being able to move, not knowing what is going on and I’m glad it is over.

Though I’m dreading the moment I’ll have to open my eyes. Then I have to face reality of what ever is going on.

I feel slightly head ached and I wonder how that is possible. I’m never sick, hadn’t had a headache in ages. Something really bad must have happened.

My fingers grasp at the ground but I feel nothing unusual under my touch. But I notice the floor is cold and dirty and the cold is everywhere in my body. When the shaking begins, I realize it is time for me to open my eyes, but I’m having a hard time finding them. My body feels tired and all weird. I’ve never experienced something like this before.

My eyelashes flash, but that is all I can do for a moment, but after I concentrate for a minute it finally works.

When my eyes adjust to the dark, I can see no sun light. Apparently there are no windows or it is too dark to see. Then I see something vertical, it starts at the ceiling and ends at the ground, not that far from my feet. There are many of them, all of them just as far apart. I stare at it trying to make sense of it all when it hits me.

Bars.

I’m behind bars.

Oh my god...

My heartbeat rises and fear clenches my stomach. Somehow I know I’m not in a prison. This is something much darker. Much more dangerous. I know I’m in trouble, I just wish I could remember how I got in trouble.

I try to get up, but I just manage to get up in to a sitting position and I crawl towards the bars, griping onto them with my long fingers. I push and pull, but there is no use, I’m not closely as strong as usual.

Oh no...

Vervain.

It must be. Then I remember what happened.

Yesterday –if it really was yesterday I have no idea- it was 11 April. Exactly ten years after Eric’s death. I remember promising myself I wouldn’t remember the night as I entered the first bar I came by. I remember having a few drinks, at first so the pain would go away and later because I liked the way I didn’t feel anything. I remember flirting with the bartender –which was not like me- and then I went home. Or at least I tried. I never made it there.

I was hardly two blocks away from my home when a man bumped into me and I wanted to apologize secretly hoping he didn’t notice I was drunk, but he beat me to it.

‘I’m sorry, miss, are you alright?’ the man asked and I could see under the streetlamp he was pretty young. Probably twenty-five not much older. He had blond hair and I think blue eyes though it was hard to see under the dull light, but I did notice some sort of excitement in them as if the man had been looking for me for ages and has finally found me. Like he recognized me. Which is weird because everyone I know is long gone. I had the feeling I should feel uncomfortable under his eyes as they scanned me from head to toe and back up, but I didn’t. Probably just the booze and I let it.

‘Yes, I’m fine. It was my fault, I should be sorry.’ I answered and I turned to walk away, but the man grabbed my arm and pulled me back. Considering I’m ten times as strong as he is, I could’ve easily yanked myself free, but the alcohol made it hard to think straight.

‘I’m sorry, you really look like someone I know.’ The man said, keeping me way to close to his chest and now did I feel uncomfortable.

‘I highly doubt it.’ I hiss through my teeth. ‘Now let me go.’ Anger rushed though my veins when he didn’t do what I said and my cheeks brightened. I was sure I was going to lose it in a matter of seconds. Why did I have to get drunk? Why? Now I was in this crappy situation and I didn’t want to kill anyone tonight. Especially not tonight, but not ever actually.

I was suddenly very aware of his blood pulsing through his veins and I could clearly hear his heartbeat as it fastened. My mouth watered and I could feel my eyes change into the eyes of a demon. My jaw hurt and with every breath I took I smelled his blood and I knew I couldn’t contain myself much longer. I had to get out of there.

Just as I found my strength and yanked my arm out of the mans grip and turned around ready to run, I felt something in my shoulder.

A needle.

Something rushed through my veins, paralyzing me, burning my entire body and I wanted to scream, but all I could muster was a groan. I’d never had Vervain in my system before, but I was sure that is it as I lose my balance and hit the ground. I didn’t even have time to be afraid, no time to think as the Vervain took over my brain and everything went black in just a matter of seconds.

I grasp at the memory and cling unto the bars once again. Now I’m panicking. My head gets blurry, either from the Vervain or the memory I don’t know. Probably both.

‘No! No, no, no! Let me go!’ I scream, pulling as hard as I can, but the poison in my blood makes me weak and it doesn’t move a bit.

‘You’ve never seen bars before?’ A voice to the right of me says and I shriek as I push myself away from the sound. Now I can see that the bars surround me, they are all around me except for one brick wall. The other three sides were bars completely locking me in.

‘You know what they’re for? To keep you here. Believe me I tried.’ Someone –a male’s voice- says from the other side of the bars. I hear some shuffle and the man moves closer to the only light that comes from the hallway, leading to who knows where. I can see now he has brown hair and chocolate brown eyes that match perfectly and he is sitting on the ground leaning casually against the wall.

When I realize what he said I relax a bit and scoot at bit closer to.

‘You scared me to death!’ I say, trying to calm my breathing.

‘I’m a bit too late for that don’t ya think? Otherwise you, princess, wouldn’t be here.’ Though I’m not sure how I feel about the nickname I got to admit he has a point. I was stuck with Vervain, abducted and locked up. So there is only one explanation. But I’m too afraid to say it, so I ask for it anyway.

‘And why is that?’ He laughs, so hard it startles me, but he seems to enjoy scaring me when there is a smirk playing around his lips.

‘Haven’t you figured it out already? It is because you’re a vampire. That is all they want from you.’

Because you’re a vampire.

Yes, I am. A relatively young one too. I was turned a little over ten years ago, while I’ve seen vampires that have been around since the fifteenth century.
I look at the ceiling and focus on sounds above me, but there are none. Where ever I am, no one’s home, but I got a gut feeling they will be soon.

‘So where am I?’ I ask the guy and I scoot a bit closer. I don’t know why but I trust him. At least we’re in this together, so why not trust each other right?

‘It’s called Augustine.’ He says and now I notice he has a British accent. ‘Welcome to your new personal hell.’ I’m pretty sure I stare at him like he has grown two heads, but I can’t help it. I can’t wrap my head around this, but I really hope he is just teasing me. Then I look into his dark chocolate brown eyes, ignore the weird feeling in my stomach and I see he isn’t just teasing. He is dead serious. I can see the pain and the suffering in his eyes, but then it is gone.

‘That pretty face isn’t going to help you here.’ He says, reaching out to my face. I pull away in a reflex, but when he grabs my chin, I stop moving. Somehow I’m locked and all he needs are two fingers on my jaw to paralyze me. It is not like the Vervain. Different, though I’m not sure it is good.

‘I’m number 12144. The name’s Enzo.’

‘Ruby.’ I answer a bit breath taken, but when he releases me I find my voice again. ‘I’d say nice to meet you, but I guess I won’t like the circumstances.’

Enzo has a sad look in his eyes when he answers. ‘No you won’t.’

So this is a short chapter. Next one will be longer with Enzo pov too. But, But 5x22 was like... I cried, that is enough to say. (though I'm happy Enzo and Alaric are back and I thought the Damon and Bonnie scene was rather cute).

~ Subject 21050 ~

13 April 1950 ~ Ruby

When I open my eyes I feel disorientated. I am lying on my right side and my arm is asleep from lying on it the entire night –I guess it was night. But when I see the bars and the man on the other side of them I know exactly where I am.

Enzo is looking at me amused and I remember how little he told me yesterday. After the short conversation from yesterday, I must have fallen asleep again. The Vervain still had his power over me, but I feel a lot better when I push myself up on one hand. It must be out of my system now. It better be, it’s been at least two days, that depends on how long I’ve been asleep the first time. I decide to ask Enzo. He says I slept through the night and day the first time and about half the night now. He says it is around 5 am.

‘How do you keep track of time?’ I ask and he shrugs.

‘I don’t know exactly. I know what time they come here, twice a day. In the morning to… pick us up and in the evening to feed us.’ When I hear the word ‘feed’ I suddenly realize how hungry I am. I hadn’t had human blood in more than three days and I could feel the aching in my jaw begging me to put my teeth into flesh. Don’t get me wrong, I don’t feed on humans. There you have hospitals for. It is fascinating how humans keep ignoring our existence though it is as clear as daylight. Okay, stupid wordplay I know. But it is true. Over fifty percent of the animal attacks are actually vampire attacks and even the hospitals claim that the blood bags that have gone ‘missing’ are either stolen to sell on the black market or just a mistake in the delivery. Humans will believe anything, as long as it doesn’t involve the supernatural. If people believe in miracles why don’t they believe in demons? Because almost every story is true; vampires, werewolves, witches and other creatures you don’t want to meet.
I’m so caught up in my hunger, I totally forget about the other part of Enzo’s explanation. But then it fades after a few breaths and I remember.

‘Wait, ‘pick us up’? Oh my god…’ I say as fear takes over and I clasp my hand over my mouth. I realize now that the Vervain had really affected me yesterday, because I wasn’t half as afraid as now. I realize what is going to happen to me.

‘They’re gonna torture me, aren’t they?’ I say, voice thick with upcoming tears, but I push them back. Enzo gazes at me as I bite my lip until it bleeds so I won’t cry. I won’t. Never.

‘They will call it experimenting. It is for the greater good and that kind of shit. Don’t listen to a word they say, princess. We wouldn’t want Dr. Whitmore to break you, now would we?’ His hushed dark voice somehow reassured me.

I don’t know why, but I like him. Well, I’m going to need a friend in here if I don’t want to go crazy and let Whitmore –I suspect that’s the man who brought me here- break me.

Enzo is right. Whatever happens with me, I shouldn’t listen to him.

‘When will he ‘experiment’ on me then?’ I ask as I know the time passes by. Enzo said they come in the morning, so that leaves me very little time. I need to be prepared as much as I can possibly be.

‘Oh, you’re safe for now. The Vervain must be gone by now, so you’re gaining strength. They need you to weaken first, almost desiccate, before they will risk letting you out.’ At first I’m relieved I’ll be spared, even if it is just for one day, but then I realize what that means.

‘But Enzo, then...’ I can’t finish my sentence and try to swallow a lump that has suddenly formed in my throat.

‘I’m used to the torture, princess, don’t worry about me.’ He answers, putting his head back against the wall like he is tired of talking –it has probably a long time ago he has talked this much- but I’m even close to having all my questions answered.

‘Are there more here of you –I mean us?’ I ask and I concentrate very deep to hear others breathing, moving or maybe talking too, but I come up blank.

‘There have been many before us, before me, a lot are gone. There are others trust me, just not here. There is an entire Augustine Society.’

‘A society?’ I say in disbelieve. I didn’t even know enough humans knew about vampires to form a society, let alone a society that tortures and kills vampires. ‘What do they want?’

Enzo laughs, but it is half-heartedly and he starts tapping his fingers on his leg and I concentrate on the rhythm to remain calm. I don’t know if I will even make it to the first torture without screaming.

‘Two things; a cure for vampirism and a cure for humans due to our blood. They want to find out how it works and how they can recreate it when they have killed us all.’

I look at him in terror. 

‘Great, like we have nothing to worry about.’ I say irritated, trying to cover up the fact that I’m petrified. Great...

He looked at me amused once again.

‘How did you manage to get yourself into this mess anyway?’ he asks with a smirk on his face. I wonder how he can remain so optimistic in this hell. How long has he been here anyway? I decide I’ll answer first.

So I told him about me getting drunk – I left out the part of Eric’s death – and about bumping into this guy, Dr. Whitmore junior Enzo tells me, and about being stabbed with the Vervain. He grins when I tell about the Vervain and I raise my eyebrow to him.

‘You had it pretty bad, hadn’t you? Never had a Vervain shot before?’ He says and I shake my head, not knowing to feel stupid or what. ‘How old are you anyway?’

‘Depends, what kind of old?’ I ask, knowing what he means, but not wanting to answer. He’ll think I’m a rookie and I don’t like that idea for some reason. He gives me a glare.

‘I’ve been nineteen for ten years now.’ I say and he opens his mouth to say something, when I hear a door open and I jump to my feet, Enzo following not much after. Footsteps are coming our way, heavy ones, I’m sure they don’t belong to Junior –the one who grabbed me- so they must belong to the famous Dr. Whitmore himself.

A tall man with dark hair steps into the light. It is obvious he is Junior’s father, though I just caught a glimpse of him under the streetlight. Was that really just two days ago?

‘Ah, subject 21050 you’re awake.’ I know he is talking to me as I remember Enzo’s number being 12144 – the memories are vampire perks really – and I feel anger boiling up inside me for the first time since I got here. He has no right to hold me here, to call me his subject, to give me a number like nothing else about me matters. Not my name, not my history, my feelings nothing. I know I should keep my mouth shut, but I’m so angry, no not angry anymore, furious and I just can’t help myself.

‘I have a name.’ I hiss through my teeth, my blood still boiling. Dr. Whitmore takes a step closer to me and I can see the coldness in his light blue eyes – more like a dull blue. I don’t move a muscle.

‘It doesn’t matter here, 21050.’ He says, scanning me from head to toe, just like his son had done two nights ago, only now there is no booze in my system. Now I do feel uncomfortable, but I put on a mask. ‘Maybe Mathew picked a good one.’

He steps back and gets his keys out of his pocket, while I remain to be a statue, staring at him just as furious as before and he opens Enzo’s cage. I know Enzo won’t be able to flee otherwise he would have done it a long time ago. He looks exactly like you’d expect him to. He is pale, half desiccated and weak. His hair is too long and it falls loosely over his eyes, sticking to his face and he looks tired even though I see a fire in his eyes that I’m sure will never die.

I don’t want him to go. I don’t want to be alone and if I could I would scream at Whitmore, beg if I had to so he would let Enzo in peace for just one day. Just don’t leave me alone.

I’ve been alone for ten years, one day won’t matter...

A little voice in my head says to me, but I ignore it as I lock my muscles and bite my lip just to make sure I won’t let anything show. I’m sure Enzo will sense my fear –vampires are highly sensitive- and when I give him one glance, so short I’m sure Whitmore won’t even notice, I see he shakes his head. Keep calm.

Dr. Whitmore takes out something else from the pocket in his jacked. A needle. More Vervain I suppose, but this is a lot less than what Mathew has given me. Enzo doesn’t move a bit, nothing shows on his face when Whitmore jabs the needle into the skin of his arm. Vampires are naturally talented when it comes to hiding things. Like we have a choice. The voice says, but I shut it up. I’m still having my furious staring competition with the doctor, but he doesn’t flinch or even acknowledges it.

When the doctor turns around, pulling Enzo – who has gone even weaker – with him. I break my staring now Whitmore isn’t looking and move my eyes to Enzo. His eyes make me so sad I grasp the bars, but I know there is nothing I can do. Enzo was right. The bars are made to keep me in. I can never help him. He gives me a look that says don’t worry about me. My look probably answers that I will anyway and then they are gone. I hear the footsteps on the stairs – I only realize there are stairs now – and then some shuffling above me. I hear some sort of metal, a table, chains maybe, it could be anything.

And that’s when the screaming starts.

***

13 April 1950 ~ Enzo

The Vervain made me feel weak and there was nothing more I could do than try to give her a reassuring look. I try not to dread what is coming, but even after ten years of captivity, ten years of torture, I still feel it everyday. I don’t know how it is possible I remain positive. I don’t know how I manage not to turn my humanity off. This torture would be so much easier to endure, but I promised myself I would never do that.

I promised Maggie.

I promised her right before I let her go. The one promise I’m never going to break.

The poison makes my head foggy and I hardly notice being pushed unto the metal table and then having the familiar chains around my wrists and ankles. I only feel the coolness of the table against my bare arms and the pressure on my wrists.

I know what is coming, but somehow, the only thing I can think of right now is that I feel sorry for the girl in the basement.

She is just ten years old. I suspect there is no one who could’ve taught her, so she must have figured it out on her own. I vaguely wonder how she got turned. But then I feel the scalpel going through my flesh and at first I stiffen a scream.

Then Dr. Whitmore goes deeper and it starts to hurt more when I feel that the skin is already healing around the scalpel and he goes deeper and deeper and now I can’t contain it anymore and I scream.

I try to catch my breath while Whitmore is scrabbling something in his notebook, but all I can do is gasp once, before he puts it down again and stabs my arm. The pain is awful and it is everywhere in my weak body. I don’t heal well and I feel the warm blood tickling down my arm and dripping on the ground.

I don’t get why he keeps doing this. For the ten years I’ve been here, he has repeated the same ritual of torture everyday. The tests probably show that nothing has changed over the years, but yet he doesn’t give up. If I wasn’t kept like a beast I would probably admire him, but all I feel towards him is hatred.

I try to swallow a scream when he moves on the wooden stake as it burns my flesh and I feel sweat blend with blood. I gasp again when he pulls it out of my stomach.

I wait for the next stab to come, but nothing happens. While I breathe shallow, I feel my wounds heal and I wonder what happened. Has someone magically appeared to safe me? To safe the girl in the basement from the same terrible fate as me?

But then Whitmore’s face comes into view – though he is blurry –  and he examines my face, something he has never done before. It was Maggie’s job to study my behaviour, Whitmore only did the ‘tests’. Maggie had to talk to me for hours, something neither of us minded, but now she is gone and Whitmore has to do his own research.

Whitmore’s eyes gaze into mine and I feel rather uncomfortable under his suspicious look, but then he glances down at the floor and back to me again. Then he speaks, which is also rather rare. Wouldn’t want to be distracted from his precious project, would he?

‘Something is different. You’re trying to fight it again. You’re healing is faster.’ He says observing my wounds and I notice the blood stopped tickling down so I guess I’m already healed. He is right. I feel stronger, though nothing has changed. Same amount of blood everyday, same amount of Vervain.

‘It’s the girl isn’t it? Subject 21050. You are trying to be strong for her. A girl you hardly know. How sweet.’ Dr. Whitmore says now taking the knife from the table next to me that has about twenty different kinds of weapons exposed on it in a very compulsive way.

I ignore him, but I keep staring at him, not letting him win the one fight I can fight.

He shakes his head laughing. He actually laughed. That is new too.

Maybe this will be the first day of a change for me as an Augustine Vampire.

But though something changed today, I knew Whitmore wouldn’t change his experiment. I only had been tortured by three weapons. It has only been an half an hour at most. I still had some time to go.

Seventeen weapons. More pain. More screaming.

I think of turning my humanity off for one second right before the pain starts again. It would be so much easier to endure. But I promised. Not only that, I also promised myself I would get out someday. I can’t do that without my humanity. And I have the feeling I going to have to take Ruby with me, though who as Whitmore claimed I did hardly know.

***

13 April 1950 ~ Ruby

The screaming is awful. It goes on and on and on for hours and I’m afraid it will never end. Every muscle in my body wants to help and every nerve wants it to be over. The screaming might be a worse torture for me than what is coming in a few days.

You’re safe for now. That is what Enzo told me. But I would gladly take his place and be the one to scream, because I don’t know how much longer I can take this. The powerlessness is driving me nuts.

The screaming had stopped one moment after what felt hours, but was just the beginning. But my ears where ringing and my head throbbing and I couldn’t make out the words I heard where spoken. I only recognized Dr. Whitmore’s voice; well, I more knew it wasn’t Enzo’s.

The one-sided conversation was short and the screaming started again within the minute.

I have no idea how much time has passed when it is finally silent again. It is a loud silence after hours of noise and I put my face into my hands.

It is over. Enzo is gonna be fine.

I tell myself, but I know deep down that is not true. How can he ever be fine again after this? How many times had he had to go through this? How long has he been here before I came?

I notice only now I must have pushed myself in the furthest corner of my cell between the wall and the bars and have pulled up my legs against my chest to be as far away from the torture as possible. I should have known that wouldn’t work.

When I hear two pairs of footsteps – one fast and light, one irregular and slow – I jump to my feet and step into the light for two reasons.

1) I want to see Enzo to know how he is doing.

2) I want to stare Whitmore in the face to confront him with his actions.

I tell myself I will do that everyday that I will be in this damned place until I either die or until I get out.

Whitmore and Enzo come down the stairs and with my vampire vision I can see then before they have even reached the light. I take in Enzo for exactly one whole second, before moving my gaze to the doctor.

One look is enough to know he looks like hell. His is even paler than before and his hair sticks to his face because of the sweat that tickles down his face. His eyes look tired, though he still seems to have the fire in them that never dies. I hope it never will.

My gaze then doesn’t leave Whitmore as he opens the door of Enzo’s cell and pushes him inside. I hear he loses his balance and he stumbles to the ground. That must be the Vervain and the torture doing its work, because a vampire’s balance should be perfect. Though I want to fall on the ground too and examine the damage that has been done, I don’t break my promise to myself and stare at the devil in disguise.

He gives me one look and I see something of triumph in his eyes though I have no idea why and then he turns around without a word, without any hint of guild.

The second he is gone, I fall onto my knees and scoot towards Enzo who has gotten up into a sitting position.

‘You okay?’ I ask though I know it is a stupid question, but I don’t know what else to say. ‘Let me see.’ I reach out for him, wanting to examine any of his wounds, but they have all healed. There is also no hint of them, no dried blood on his skin or his cloths, so I guess Whitmore has given him a chance to clean.

What a gentleman. My inner voice tells me, but I have more important things in mind than Whitmore’s actions.

‘I’m fine Princess. All healed and handsome as always.’ He says smiling, but I’m not convinced. I only relax after he shows me his arms.

‘How?’ I whisper before I even realize I speak.

I feel he looks at me confused, but I look down at my hands. ‘How what, gorgeous?’

‘How can you survive this?’ I put my head against a bar and the coolness of it helps me to make my head clear. I close my eyes.

‘Ruby,’ Enzo says and I realize this is the first time he has used my real name. ‘You will survive this.’

He touches my chin and I almost jerk my head away. I’m not used to being touched anymore, but I put my head back against the bar and therefore back into his hand. I may not be used to be comforted, but that doesn’t mean I don’t need it. I should be the one to comfort him, not the other way around. So I take one deep breath and look up. Enzo drops his hand and there is something in his eyes I can’t place. It looks awfully close to guilt… What does he has to feel guilty about?

‘You sure you’re okay?’ I say, my hands on the bars.

‘Princess, look at me I’m fine.’ Enzo says spreading his arms to make a point. I sigh. He knows that is not what I meant, but I drop the subject. He won’t answer anyway.

‘You look tired, get some sleep until they come back with blood.’ I say, ignoring the dry, gritty feeling in my mouth as I realize I haven’t fed in days. When I see he wants to argue, I cut him off. ‘Hey, I’ve had to listen to you the entire day, completely powerless, just let me do this one thing.’ I say half irritated, half tired. I’m worn out and I can’t imagine how he must feel.

You’ll find out soon.

I stare at him, until he shakes his head with a look that says woman and lies down.

I watch over him until I hear his breathing slow and know he is asleep. Then I lie down on the dusty floor too and let myself fall asleep on the soft noise of Enzo’s breathing.

And here is chapter 2!! I'm so excited for this story, though I will have trouble updating the next two weeks. Tomorrow I have my last two finals and then I go to Macadonia, where I only have wifi in the lobby... I hope you liked it and please vote and comment ~

~ Past and Memories ~

14 April 1950 ~ Enzo

I wake up from a door opening and I hear movement next to me before I am even really awake. Ruby is standing in front of the cell door, staring intensely at the dark and the person to come. Intrigued as I am by her intensity, I get to my feet too and stand right next to her. Normally, I don’t really care who brings me my food as long as they do, but judging by her face, she does.

I recognize the footsteps on the stairs now. It is the son. Mathew. He does his fathers dirty work. He brings us the blood most of the time, disposes of bodies when someone has died during the experiments of his father and that kind of things. I can see him clearly before he steps into the light. Eyes just like his father’s. He will probably take over the family company. I have to suppress a laugh because of my poor choice of words.

I can smell the blood before I can even see it. Blood bags, not really my taste, but it will have to do. I’d rather put my teeth in Junior here, but his blood will be full of Vervain and it will cost me much afterwards.

Then I notice he has only one little cup in his hand. Apparently, they think Ruby is still to strong.

I glance at Ruby and I see she is even more furious than before. Her hands are clenched to fists next to her side to keep them from shaking. Mathew probably doesn’t notice, but with my vampire eyes, I can see the slight movement of the shaking. I wonder when she will blow. I gotta say; she has given me more amusement in less than three days than I had in the ten years I’ve been here. I like her fire.

‘You.’ She hisses through clenched teeth.

‘Oh yeah,’ Mathew starts, ‘you must be a little upset with me. I’m sorry; we’ve never been properly introduced.’ He says with so much sarcasm that Ruby’s hands start to shake noticeably now.

‘I’m Mathew.’

‘Go away.’ She says and Mathew puts the cup on the ground in frond of my cell door and then makes something that is supposed to be an apologizing gesture.

‘Fine. You weren’t going to get food anyway.’ Then he turns around, but before he leaves Ruby says something.

‘You’re a monster, just like your father.’

Mathew turns around and raises his eyebrow to her. ‘I’m the monster? You were going to kill me the other night remember?’ I give Ruby another glance and see one flash of guilt, before she goes defensive.

‘I was turning around to leave! I didn’t want to hurt you! I wanted to leave before you stabbed me in the back!’ Ruby screams at him, but he doesn’t flinch, just turns around and walks away giving her the cold shoulder. Ruby is still screaming insults to him until his footsteps are long gone far out of hearing range. When she finally stops, she lets herself fall unto the ground.

‘Better?’ I ask, looking at her amused. She nods without looking up to me and I bend down to get the cup of hospital blood bag blood.

‘Apparently the Great Man likes you weak.’ I say and I lay as much sarcasm in my voice as I can possibly muster and she laughs. Even if it is half-heartedly, it is better than nothing. I sit down too and look down the cup.

They just give us a little bit, enough to stay alive and to get through the torture, but not enough to stay strong. I glance up at Ruby.

‘You need it more than I do.’ I say handing her the little cup through the bars, but she just stares at it not making the impression she is planning on taking it. She keeps staring at the red liquid and her wall of resistance crumbles, her eyes filling with hunger. She breathes in through her mouth apparently determent she can do without.

‘No, I’m not the one being tortured the entire day. You take it.’

I laugh, realizing she isn’t going to give up. Maybe she will survive this. I’ve seen her resistance towards Dr. Whitmore, her fury towards his son and the strength in her eyes now. Yeah, she’s gonna be fine. I still hold the cup out to her.

‘Have you seen yourself? You look like hell, princess.’ I say and I take her in. Her hair is messy, just as her cloths and she has circles under her eyes. The lack of food has much more effect on her. She is not used to this, while I had ten years to get used to it. I can manage one day without blood.

She sights. ‘What about sharing then?’

‘Deal. I don’t mind sharing anything with you, gorgeous.’ I joke and one moment I see her blush, but she rolls her eyes to me to cover it up. I take one zip, letting the thick substance burn my throat and I can’t suppress a sigh. No matter what I say, she is right. I need it too. I make sure there is enough left and hand her the cup once again. This time she doesn’t hesitate to take it and she gulps everything at once.

‘Told ya.’ I mutter under my breath and she smiles. But suddenly it disappears and she frowns at me.

‘What?’ I ask, taking the cup back and placing it in front of my cell door, so they won’t notice Ruby has dunk any of it.

‘Why are you so nice to me?’ She asks, with the most serious eyes I’ve ever seen. One moment I see emotions crossing her face and I can feel them too. Loss, pain and loneliness. One second there I want to take all those emotions away and before I know what I’m saying, I have already spoken.

‘Because we, princess, are gonna get out of here.’

I don’t know what just happened. I’m normally not like this. I’ve been stuck in this goddamned hole for so long and not one moment I have thought I’d make it out.

No, that is not true. There was this one time.

It was two years ago, exactly. Augustine had hired a young woman who was a medical student. They wanted her to study me on psychological area. They had told her everything about vampires and had given her a Vervain bracelet so I wouldn’t be able to compel her. Though there where times I highly doubted I could’ve. She was beautiful, strong and full of life. She didn’t know about the torture, only about me being captive.

It took her a while to get me to talk to her. For two months she did the talking. But even though I didn’t talk back to her, it wasn’t because I didn’t like her. I just wanted to annoy Dr. Whitmore, that’s all. But after two months I stated talking back. I was tired of the loneliness. There had been others like me, but most of the time they where easily disposed off. Most of them had gone hysterical after just one week.

Her name was Maggie. She became the person I clung on to. Slowly I realized I was in love with her. She told me she loved me too. And that was all I needed to stay sane. But after two months she suddenly appeared at another time than normal and one look on her face told me she was going to do something stupid. That she had already done it. Then I saw the keys in her hand.

She wanted to free me.

But the Augustine Society would kill her when they found out her betrayal.

My head worked on full speed and I knew I couldn’t let her do it.

I saw what would happen in my head. She’d open my cell, but Whitmore would know. He’d come down with a gun and I wouldn’t be strong enough to fight him. I knew she’d die because of me and one image in my head of her lifeless body in my arms and her beautiful brown eyes staring up at me dull and dead, was enough for me to make my decision.

She wanted me to turn her and as my heart told me I wanted that too, my head told me I shouldn’t. For once I listened to my head and ripped off her Vervain bracelet, ignoring it burned my skin and I compelled her. I compelled her to leave. And she did.

That was the only way I could possibly know she would be safe. A life as a vampire wasn’t for her and I didn’t want to be the one to take her life away. She deserved a long and happy human life. Even if that meant she had to live without me.

I tried to let her go.

But I still haven’t. I’m pretty sure she is looking for me. I just hope she will never find me even though the thought I will never see her again burns my chest.

But I rather know she is alive and safe than dead stuffed into a coffin in the ground because she loved me.

No, I’ve never let her go, but I did what I had to do.

Since that moment two years ago, I haven’t even been close to freedom. But something tells me Ruby and I may be strong enough to pull it off.

Even if I get out, I’ll never go look for Maggie. I won’t because I love her.

She deserves better than me.

Ruby and Maggie have a few things in common, though they look nothing alike. Ruby has long light brown hair and blue eyes while Maggie had darker hair and brown eyes. But they share the same fire. A fire that can get them killed someday. I hope Maggie has learned from our time in Augustine together. I hope Ruby will learn too.

Somehow, I feel like I should get Ruby out before she even has the chance to get herself killed.

***

14 April 1950 ~ Ruby

‘Because we, princess, are gonna get out of here.’ Enzo says and my heart beat raises. I want to believe him so badly it hurts, but I try not to get too excited. Then he looks at his hands and he seems to be lost in his thoughts and he doesn’t hear when I whisper ‘We’ll see’. I wonder what he is thinking about and then I realize how little I know about this guy. Why do I trust him with something so big? My life and my freedom.

Because we, princess, are gonna get out of here...

His words go through my mind and I get lost in my own thoughts too.

What if I get out of here? Will I just go back to the miserable life I’ve been living for ten years? That is not what I want. Maybe I’ll rather die and be reunited with Eric. But I can’t. I have promised him I would try and find happiness. Even if that meant being happy without him.

‘Don’t let this be in vain, Ruby. Promise me you’ll try to live your life the fullest. Promise.’ Eric said as I held him in my arms and brushed his blond hair out of his eyes. Tears where running down my cheek, leaking on his wound.

‘I promise.’ I answered, but my voice broke and I had no idea how to live up to that promise. He wanted to say something else, but he coughed instead, blood leaking out of his mouth. I knew it was coming and Eric breathing stopped as the wooden stake affected his heart. It had just scrapped it, giving me time to say goodbye, but taking him away from me anyway.

I screamed in agony and I whipped his lips clean of blood. As soon as the stake had gone through his body, I had known I was too late. I had screamed to him and ran, but I knew it had reached his heart. Eric slowly desiccated and I placed my lips on his forehead.

‘I’m sorry.’ I whispered. Maybe he heard. He was on the other side right now; maybe he was watching me already. ‘I love you Eric.’

I laid his head on the ground with such care everyone who would see this would know how much I loved him.

But I couldn’t be found at the scene of a crime with two dead bodies. One desiccated with a stake through his heart and one headless.  

I stood up, tears running down my face, my heart broken and my life over. The only thing I had left was my promise to him. I’d do everything for him.
I turned around and walked away from him, from the blood, trying to run from the pain, knowing it would always find me, always catch up with me, no matter what I did.

Everyday from now on would be a hell. But I will have to live in it to live up to my promise.

I had broken my promise. Yes, I’m still alive. Yes, I didn’t take my own life to be with him. But I hadn’t lived my life the fullest as I promised. I had done the exact opposite.

Eric had been murdered by a vampire hunter, not some human who thought he could take one of us on – I had seen those – but a supernatural vampire hunter. Stronger than a human, faster and with better senses as humans. But not immortal.

When he had driven the stake through Eric’s heart, I had screamed and snapped his neck. My first kill. The only one I’ve never felt guilty about.

Eric had just turned me. I was a total newbie and I needed Eric in many ways, but he was taken from me. And it hurt. The pain had been heightened just as every other emotion. I was a mess. I still am. Eric, the only one I’ve ever loved is gone because he tried to safe me. I will never let something like that happen again.

I’ve never loved someone ever since.

Suddenly I am aware of Enzo’s eyes on me. I hope he didn’t sense my emotions. We can feel each others emotions when we concentrate on them. Some can even feel them when we are miles apart, if you care a lot about each other. I’ve never experienced that though. I was too young to feel that with Eric. My powers weren’t strong enough.

I had sensed the sadness before with him, but apparently he sensed it with me too.

We stare at each other for minutes somehow finding comfort with each other by just looking in each others eyes. The pain in my chest slowly fades and I’m aware of his beautiful chocolate brown eyes. Then I think that maybe we can help each other to stay sane until we figure out a way to get out of this bloody place.

Yeeeeees!! I'm home!!! Macedonia was completly AWESOME! If you ever go there, you should seriously visite the Lake of Ohrid!! If you don't like tourists (and mainly Dutch tourists, cause for some reason I've only seen people from my country, you can't miss them for some reason) you should visit some other places. The food is great there by the way!

Anyway, I've been writing every time we where in the hotelroom, so actually I have allready written a few chapters, but I won't post them now because 1. I have to go to work soon, 2. I have to work a lot in the next couple of days :( and 3. where's the suspense in that? >:3

Though I will still update chapter 4 soon, I'm totally addicted to writing this!! I'm sorry this is a short chapter, but the next few will be longer!

Tell me what you think; please vote and comment!!

~ Darkness of Nothing ~

15 April 1950 ~ Ruby

Another day passed and again, I wasn’t taken for torture and neither was Enzo. When I asked him about it, he told me it was rare, but it happened from time to time. When he said that this morning he had this weird look in his eyes. I didn’t ask though. I don’t know why. Maybe I am afraid for the answer.

Either way I am glad. No torture for either of us and now I don’t have to be alone for the entire day. And I like talking to Enzo – I found out his real name is Lorenzo – for the simple reason that it gave me something to do. I can’t imagine how he must have felt when there was no one here. In this part there are only three cellars and he told me they were rarely all occupied. I wonder how many vampires had been locked up in this exact cell with the same fate as me. I wonder if they wanted to die. I wonder if I want to die.

What if I get out of here? Who is going to be happy I’m back? Who is going to run into my arms and cry tears of happiness with the words ‘I missed you’? Yes, exactly. No one.

My family is long gone and so is Eric. Maybe he would be happy if I died, even though I would break my promise. No, I wouldn’t. If I died here, it wasn’t my fault.

But no, I don’t want to die. There is no guaranty that I can spend my after life with Eric and also no guaranty I’ll find peace. I don’t want to die when I’m not sure of that. The least I can do is help Enzo plot our great escape and try. At least for him.

Suddenly I realize he has been talking to me. We had been talking about our great escape as we now called it, but I got wrapped up in my thoughts.

Now Enzo is snapping his fingers in front of my eyes and I snap out of my daze.

‘Hello, princess, stay focused. I need to plan my wicked and totally brilliant plan and I need you to stay with me.’ He says with a smirk on his face and I feel my cheeks flush bright red. Then his smirk fades and he looks at me with intense brown eyes I almost forget where I am and what I’m doing.

‘What were you thinking?’ he asks and I know he had caught my thoughts and emotions. Vampires can’t read thoughts, but we can feel emotions much better than humans. It is sort of a sixth sent. Witches have it too and even some humans can feel it. But with vampires, everything is heightened; emotions, pain, senses and much more.

When I remember what I was thinking, I don’t want to tell him. So I tell him a part of the truth – though I feel guilty for lying to him.

‘I’m just afraid the plan will fail that’s all.’  I say and I try to hide my feelings the best I can. Enzo has been trying to find freedom for so long – no idea how long – and it seems selfish to tell him that I’m not sure if I want to live. Not that I’m thinking of suicide, not at all, but I don’t want to tell him. I hate being selfish.

‘It won’t.’ Enzo reassures me with so much conviction that I almost believe him. But as with any plan, so many things can go wrong and I don’t want to find out what will happen to us when our escape plan blows up in our faces. If Dr. Whitmore won’t get rid of us and order Mathew to find new test subjects, he will make the torture worse and he will cut down our already small bit of blood.

‘Look we will think of a good plan. I mean, we have plenty of time.’ Enzo jokes to make me feel better and well, it sort of works. Even in the short period of time he has known me, he seems to know exactly how to cheer me up and I’m grateful for that.

‘Enzo…’ I start a bit hesitant. ‘How long have you been here?’

He is silent for a minute and I see his expression change into something that makes me wish I didn’t ask. I see so much emotion crossing his face and want to take it away or at least take my question back. But I have to know. He clears his throat and looks to his hand, clearly embarrassed he let his emotions show. You could say that is a vampire thing.

‘I’ve been here for ten years.’ He says and I stare at him, my heart suddenly turned into ice, just as my stomach. I feel tears burn behind my eyes and I am happy he isn’t looking at me as I turn my head down to look at my hands too.

It is still weird to see a hand without a ring. As expected Matthew had taken my daylight ring, which makes it even harder to make a plan. We can only try at night, because without our magic rings we will burn in the sun within seconds and it is not like we can find a witch who wants to make us new ones. When I think I control the urge to cry I look up just at the moment Enzo does too. I bite my lip.

‘We’re gonna die here, aren’t we?’ I am suddenly taken by a feeling of helplessness. It chokes me and I find it suddenly hard to breathe and I’m afraid I will die in this god damned cellar. But then I remember I don’t need air and that I can’t die.

‘No, we will find a way. I promise you. I can’t let a princess die, now can I?’ Enzo says with a smile that makes my heart skip a beat. Why do I believe every word this guy says? Why do his words mean so much to me? I honestly don’t know. I nod and lay my head against the wall.

15 April 1950 ~ Enzo

Ruby had asked me why neither of us were taken for torture today. I didn’t have the heart to tell her, because I was half afraid she would cry – and if there is something I can’t take is it a woman crying – and half afraid of the look on her face. So I blocked my emotions away from her and told her it happened now and then. I thought my voice gave me away, but she seemed to believe me and I think it was just luck she wasn’t searching for my emotions that moment.

The truth is that if Dr. Whitmore takes a day off and leaves us all in the cell for one day it either means two things. Or he is preparing for a newbie to come – his son, that brainless boy of a Mathew, always finds new vampires – or he is preparing for the first tests on a newbie. If it is the last case, it means tomorrow will be Ruby’s first day of hell.

I think it is better for her to believe she is safe for another day then tell her that hell starts tomorrow. Or tell her another vampire will have the same fate as the two of us.

So I lied to her. I realize I have lied about a lot of things. Or well, let’s just say I altered the truth. I haven’t told a lot of things about myself, because of the simple reason they are too painful. Only I have the feeling we are quite the same in that matter. I had searched her emotions when she was still asleep from the Vervain in her system and I noticed the pain. There are things she doesn’t want to tell me either.

We both have our secrets.

Now Ruby has her head against the wall behind her and her slim hand lies close to the bars challenging me to take it. But I resist the urge that suddenly takes over my body and lock my muscles. For the second time today I close off my emotions, something I have become an expert in, but I think she is a bit too preoccupied with her own thoughts to notice. The only setback of this is that I can’t feel Ruby’s emotions either. So now I have to try to feel them with my human senses. It is a very weird sensation. For a vampire, blocking out part of your abilities is like losing your sight as a human. Now, instead of trusting my vampire skills to read people and other vampire’s feelings, I have to trust my human senses. I watch her face closely and listen to her heartbeat – something I would never be able to hear as a human – but get lost as I start to examine her from head to toe.

She has beautiful brown hair that falls over her shoulders naturally and deep blue eyes that no one can’t help to compare to the ocean. Her pale skin looks like satin and I know it also feels like it as I remember the softness underneath my fingers the first day after she awoke. But now her face has one expression and it is defeat and even without my sixth sense I know she feels utterly weak.

I will protect her. I will get her out of here. It is like she has awoken my fire the moment she was brought to this hole, the moment I laid eyes on her. I promised her I would help her and that is exactly what I’m going to do.

Now I have two promises to keep. I hope I can live up to them both.

Suddenly, just as my eyes have reached her hand that is still taunting me, Ruby speaks again.

‘I know you are blocking me out, Enzo.’ She whispers and she brings me back to reality with the softness of her voice. She is not angry. Just tired. ‘And you better tell me why.’

It isn’t a question. No request. No, far off. It is a demand and for some reason I answer before I even realize it.

‘It is because,’ I hesitate for a moment, realizing I’m the one speaking, ‘I’m afraid today means you’re gonna be in hell tomorrow.’ I let the wall between us fall as soon as I’m done speaking and I suddenly feel Ruby’s emotions rush over me. A lot of emotions, but no surprise. I think she have known from the moment I blocked her out for the first time this morning. Just because I didn’t want to answer her real question and because I wasn’t sure of which two options would be the right one. The first day for Ruby or the newbie arriving.

‘What two options do you mean?’ she asks and I know she tried to catch some of my thoughts. So I tell her the truth, trying to ignore the urge to put the wall back. It is completely normal for a vampire to feel that urge. No one likes others to go through your thoughts. It is easier to read thoughts when you know that person well or when you care for them or lastly when you have consumed a lot of human blood.

I am shocked by how strong Ruby still is, even though she has hardly eaten for days.

Yes, I tell her the truth, though I don’t like it. But when she opens her eyes and looks at me with those ocean colored eyes I can’t help it. I didn’t know I was so weak. And I really hate it.

A few hours later, Mathew arrives with another shot of blood, today again for one person. And again, I share my bit of blood with Ruby. She needs to be strong for tomorrow. At least if my expectations are right, she is going to need it.

16 April 1950 ~ Ruby

It is early in the morning when Dr. Whitmore comes to take me. I feel a little bit better due to the little blood Enzo shared with me. I’m still not sure why he is so nice to me and why he wants me as his ally while I’m sure I will not do his plan any good. And even if I don’t screw anything up and we get out then what?

He doesn’t owe me anything. I’m pretty sure we will go our separate ways, even though I have no idea where my way will lead me to. Probably to the same life I have lived since the moment Eric was killed. Alone and trying to find a place to belong. I’ve tried to go to high school – something that is rare for a vampire –, I’ve tried to go to college, I’ve tried to find a job and even tried to travel around without settling. It all failed.

I don’t want to go back to that life never again.

But I’ll even consider that as Whitmore takes me upstairs to his room of terror as I call it in my head since the day I heard Enzo being tortured there and the fear takes over my body. I feel my hand tremble, this time not from anger, but from being completely petrified. Whitmore straps my up to his metal table – I was right about hearing metal the other day – and I take in my surroundings, just to distract myself from the fear rushing through my veins and my heartbeat in my throat. I wish I didn’t. What I see is so terrifying I want to scream my longs out, but I just bite my lip so hard that it bleeds. I would say it didn’t matter because I heal, but the Vervain makes that hard.

The table next to me is filled with different kind of weapons all sharp and painful and I see when the doctor opens the refrigerator it is filled with blood. Vampire blood. I can smell it, but I also smell human blood. With my vampire sight I can read every label on the bottles. The human ones just say O negative or AB and that kind of stuff. But I see the vampire bottles have labels with numbers on them. I see Enzo’s number on multiple bottles, 12144, but also another number. 21049.

No matter how afraid I am, my heart stops beating one second. I’m subject 21050. That means, whoever was before me – the nameless number 21049 – is dead. But not dead for long, otherwise his blood would be spoiled already. I suppress a gulp and bite my lip even harder and I feel the blood tickling down my throat.

In ten years there have been so many. If Enzo is 12144 then there had to be – I try to calculate it in my head just to distract myself from fear in my stomach – a little less than nine thousand vampires who died in the last ten years.

Nine thousand spilled lives and for what? For an organization that chases ghosts of a perfect world without vampires and without human deaths. And then I don’t even know if the counting is just for all the vampires Dr. Whitmore has ‘treated’ or for the entire organization. I decide I won’t ask Enzo. I don’t want to know.

Now Whitmore closes the refrigerator and startles me, while my heartbeat rises again now I have nothing left to distract myself with.

‘So number 21050. Where do we start?’ Dr. Whitmore says and the cold look in his eyes tells me I better keep my mouth shut.

He takes a scalpel from the table and weighs it in his hand as if it has become heavier since the last time he used it on Enzo. My breathing gets uneven and I push myself against the table as far away from that metal thing as possible.

Suddenly, without any warning, Whitmore stabs me with the scalpel and pain is everywhere in my body as I scream. I scream harder than I ever have, even harder then when the vampire hunter killed Eric. I scream my lunges out and struggle with the metal chains as hard as I can. The pain troubles my thoughts and I know I can never make it to the end.

When Whitmore pulls the thing out of my body again, I feel it begins to heal, but the pain remains just as strong.

‘Hmm,’ Whitmore says, scrabbling something into his notebook as the tears blur my sight, ‘number 12144 must have given you some of his blood.’ He continues with a clear disappointment in his voice. I realize vaguely this is the first time I have heard some kind of emotion in that terrible voice.

‘He must be very fond of you for some reason.’ The doctor mutters, more to himself then to me and finishes whatever he was writing.

The next stab is even worse and I scream even louder if that is possible. I don’t know how Enzo can survive this. I don’t know how he can swallow his screams like he did two days ago when he was tortured. I don’t know how he can stay sane, knowing everyone who arrives here dies. I don’t know how he can stay strong. All I know is that I can never be just as strong as he is. With every stab, my screams grow louder and with every feeling, my body grows worse. It takes just an hour, maybe even less until I can’t take it anymore and fall into unconsciousness, into the welcome darkness of nothing.

Okay, guys first a serious question; can you all read this story on you're phones? Because my phone tells me I just have the prologue no matter what I do. And it is irritating, cause I can't open any comments and I'm curious if it is the app or just my phone.

Anyway, sorry again, this is quite a short chapter. I enjoyed writing it thought (I enjoy writing this story more than I thought I would).

Next couple of weeks will be hard to write because I'm really busy. I said I'd like to work a bit more (keyword being bit) but now I have to work a bit too much. And of course I want to have fun in my summer. But I do the best I can and I have a few spare chapters left :)

Please vote and comment~